Tuesday, July 11, 2006

what's wrong?!?!


the pose of the dog is damn funny la!



he doesn't seem to understand mi. i look happy but why m i so not happy. everything was peace over the wkend. but my mood wasn't that good. easily get pissed with him. duno why either. its jus natural reaction that things he do turn me off. i kept that in silence. we haven been shopping for ages after that once we argued about him hates shopping. nv did i mention shopping to him. n nv did we. all we did was movie,eat,movie,eat. wkend routine. nv chg. else stay home n watch tv. ask him to take mc to keep me company he rejected me as he said he dowan take so many mc. but yet he took mc bcos he was too tired after watching world cup. he rather take when he's tired n nt take jus to accompany me. n yet tell me cant cant cant. wadever. sigh. he's sick of quarrelling. so do i. so do every couple. i jus wish everything would change. everything would be back to the start when we were still a lovey dovey couple. for now, i know we're not anymore.

*appreciates*
- how he waited for me. 1 and half hours when i went for drving. when im late.
- how he love me, dote me and cared for me. (dun feel so now)
- how he took the initiatives to ask me out. (no longer) i've been asking for dinner on wkdaes but nv a success.
- how he came fetching me home after i club
- how he send me frm tamp to my driving lesson at clementi.back to tamp.n back to my home
- how he surprise me with a bouquet of tulips
- how he call me just to say goodnight
- how he drop by my house on my birthday when he angered me
- him coming dwn to my place to make up when we broke up
- him when he send me home in the long journey bus ride before got his licence
- the gifts he gave(2couple bands, roses on vdae, tulips, sk necklace+earrings set, guess watch, jigsaw puzzled of us framed, davidoff perfume, raphlauren handbag, love peas, piggy softtoy, a pair of earrings, perlinis necklace. n the list stops here.) how amazing i can still named them huh. bcos they are so limited. apparently all are given during occasions therefore i could name them so clear cept for 4 of them.

*hates him*
- for not being understanding
- for not asking how m i when im sick
- for not asking bout my day
- for not caring bout his health
- for lying(i jus pretended to be ignorant thou i noe the reason behind it)
- for pushing me away when he craving for smoke
- for giving me a black sian face when we go shopping
- for caring himself more than me
- for not pampering me
- for not offering to carry my stuff
- for taking me for granted
- when he doesn't 'hong' me when i cry
- when he doesn't say anyting when i told him my feelings
- when he just be ignorant over what i told him n telling me im tinking too much
- for not thinking about the ups and downs in the relationship
- when he put his ego and pride upon everything
- when he doesn't give in to me
- when i couldn't get to meet him on wkdaes jus for dinner
- when he's alwaz asking me to wait
- when he doesn't ans my ques in sms
- for not knowing i dislike being under rain when im gg out
- when i couldnt get him
- for not worrying bout my safety when i left alone after an arguement with him
- when i ask him to mop the floor n he doesn't do so(its really dusty n dirty la)
- when he doesn't care bout me 2nd hand smking
- when he break his promises
- when he gave me a cold shoulder due to his sian-ness n tired-ness
- when he scolded me for crying

*loves him*
- when he held mi tight in his arms
- when he kissed mi passionately
- when we cuddled ourselves in bed
- when he feeds me
- when he held my hands automatically
- when we watch fireworks together
- when he listens to me
- when he drove me around
- when he smells my hair
- when he plays with my hair
- when he say i love u (ages since tis was said face to face)

*hurts me*
- when he's sick
- when he smoke
- when im being pushed away
- when he hurt himself
- when he doesn't succeed in things he do
- when he's hungry
- when he's tired after work
- seeing him angry with me
- when i see how disappointed he is when he wanted sth but no money to buy it.
- when he is upset

i hate him more than i appreciates him. but why do i stil love him so much. why do i still let all this overpowering me. im so tied dwn in this relationship. i was hoping he would bring me light. it was all disappointment after all. i wish to treat him exceptionally good. i noe im mean to him sometimes. picking a fight out of nth. simply bcos i tink im jus tired of giving in all the times. putting in more effort than anyting. accompanying him ova the wkends. going over his hse to do hse cleaning for him thou i haven done so recently due to the fact that since he doesn't bother why shld i. why shld i put his clothes to wash for him. why shld i sweep n mop the floor for him. why shld i buy him things when i noe he needed them. why shld i spend so much on him n yet im not getting anyting in return, as in being LOVED more. he doesn't spend his $ on me excluding movies n food. he tinks the things i wanted was jus simply a waste of his money. so asked him to save instead. doesn't matter whether he got me aniting. saving is more impt than aniting else.

probably he'll read this. cos i asked him too. mayb he'll get pissed tinking that all i do is complain bout him. as mush as i could guess, he'll just read lik it doesn't concern him at all. expected. he feels i think too much all the time. that's y i jus post it here. since its none of his business i could say wadever unhappiness i have. in conclusion, how i feel he will nv feel the same way regardless whether im sad or not. he doesn't feel a wee bit even thou i told him hw i felt most of the times. which makes mi super miserable. he told me once before that what i did was normal. RIGHT! to him is normal so whether i treat him gd or nt is oso normal to him. so why shld i be nice to him. im really tired of making the move most of the time. i wont say all the time. but still im tired. n i tried. if he feels tat he himself is more impt than anyting else i will jolly well leave his life for good sake. i dun feel he needs me at all thou i know i needed him more than anything else. can he like at least make me feel im impt ? can he ?

nevertheless, i will not say he's not a gd bf. im vexed ova this cos i couldn't help it. guess im jus too into it that when im not satisfied with sth i'll start to vex bout it. dunno was i asking too much or was he not giving enuff. i dunno. i rest my peace.

janeybaby tells a story @ 7:27 PM
1 comments